A Good Parent
by Ramica
Summary: Mike and Splinter have a heart to heart talk about being a parent when a worried Mike wonders if he is up to the challenge of raising a child. An short story. Part of the Rama series.


                             A Good Parent

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

I groaned wearily jamming my pillow over my head maybe if I ignored her she would go away. Instead her cries became more piercing and demanding.

" Go away! I don't want a kid anymore" I grumped.

For the last week or more she had kept me awake at night with all her crying and fussing.

Her wails now could not be ignored. She was after all my responsibility and I didn't believe that I was fully ready to handle the responsibility and challenge that she presented me.

Tiredly I got out from under the blankets and felt the instant chill of the sewer around me. It was only mid October and winter hadn't even set in yet and I had to wonder how the coldness down here might effect her, as I stumbled into her room.

I stared balefully down into the crib at the sobbing infant " Go to sleep! Shut up close your eyes and go to sleep that is ALL I want from you right now. You are fully capable of sleeping through the whole night so you have no excuse for fussing and crying so much" I ordered her.

She stared up at me tears streaming down her face, her mouth opened wide as she wailed her siren sob, her tiny arms reaching up towards me wanting to be picked up and cuddled.

At six months of age she had almost doubled her birth weight and had grown in length too but she still wasn't much more then an armload and as far as I was concerned far more trouble then she was worth.

I sighed and picked her up noting how soggy her diaper and the blankets on her bed were as I did so. Add the dampness to the chill of the sewers and she had a good reason to complain for a change.

She had been so fussy and cranky lately that I had Don check her out in case she was coming down with something but Don had detected noting wrong in spite of the fact that her temperament and sleep patterns had changed drastically in the last two weeks.

I changed her diaper and her bedding while she squirmed and cried.

" Will you just quit all ready! What am I suppose to do with you?" I demanded of her.

I was past ready to admit defeat there was no possible way that I could raise this child.

Maybe that was the reason why Shay had left in the first place she must have realized it was far better to be a kid then raise one.

I didn't have that option, though a part of me wished that it was an option available to me that I could just leave her on some hospital doorstep or the like and have someone adopt her into a home where she would be loved. I couldn't condemn her to that though I knew what would happen if I did do such a thing.

My daughter took mostly after me in looks the only things she had inherited from her mother was the five fingers on each hand, the five toes on each foot, her hair and her eye color.

I wrapped her up securely in some dry blankets and was trying my best to get her to calm down again.

What had ever possessed me to think that I could raise a child?

I didn't know back when I made that vow that her mother would be leaving me. I didn't know the child would keep me awake all night long with fussing. I didn't think that it could be all that difficult or demanding.

I mean my own father, Splinter, had managed to raise four of us all at once by himself. So how hard could it be to raise one child, especially as I had help from my family to do it?

Of course when I had made that promise I had been expecting Shay to stay with me and help out in the care of our child. I missed Shay. Ached and longed for her in the worst way at times and I kept hoping that she would come back and we could be a family again. I had heard from Shay a few times since she left but the sound of her voice only reminded me and just seemed to make it all the harder to get over her. Of course Shay hadn't even been gone a month yet so her loss was still fairly new anyways.

Perhaps our daughter missed her mother as well.

" Go to sleep now Ramiela. I'm tired," I whispered as I placed her back in her crib almost instantly her sobs which had started to die down rose once more to a whole new peak. She had a good set of lungs on her if nothing else and I was afraid that she would end up waking the entire lair with her screams.

Why couldn't she just go to sleep?

Maybe she was hungry but at six months of age she should be past the night feedings. I supposed I could give her some food but what if she then decided that it would be a nightly occurrence? 

She didn't really need the food I knew that.

My whole problem was I knew next to nothing about being a parent or raising a child yet here I was stuck with a screaming banshee for a daughter and just starting to realize that parenting was a much harder job then I first thought.

" Come off it Ramiela stop your crying all right? What's a matter with you huh? Maybe when you start to talk we will finally be able to understand one another. Okay let's try something to eat and see if that helps settle you down."

I carried her into the kitchen and stuck her in her high chair before opening a small jar of baby fruit but she pushed the spoon away with failing hands and turned her head proving that at least she wasn't hungry.

" All right we'll try rocking you to sleep because I want to get some sleep tonight even if you don't" I informed her as I took her out of her chair and packed her to the rocking chair in the living room.

She was still sobbing though quietly her face was all pouty and tear streaked, sniffing and snuffling now and again with the occasional sputtering cough caused more from her crying then anything else.

" What am I suppose to do with you Ramiela? I don't know the first thing about looking after kids and I'm supposed to care from you from now until your older. I'm in way over my head.

You really would stand a better chance with someone who knows how to raise children. I just don't know enough to be a parent. I'm nothing more then a kid myself. All I'm doing is getting frustrated and mad at you.

You are totally changing my whole life around and I don't even know if I WANT it changed all that much. Course it isn't really your fault. You didn't ask to be here. You weren't given a choice in the matter. You and I though we are stuck with each other and will be for some time yet to come."

She squirmed wanting to get down and explore.

" NO Ramiela! You have got to go to sleep before I MAKE you," I snapped at her.

She looked at me her bottom lip trembled as she burst into a fresh round of tears and wails.

" I'm in BIG trouble," I moaned.

" You could very well be my son, and I sincerely hope that you don't intend on knocking her unconscious just to get her to go to sleep there are better ways thought they might take a little more time and effort on your part."

" Sensei did we wake you?" I asked turning to look towards my Master.

" Ramiela seems as upset and distressed as you are Michaelangelo" he commented not really answering my question.

" Let me see her and hold her for a bit I think you need to talk to someone other then your daughter and I am here for you my son."

I handed her over to him and he made a low soft noise in his throat a mixture of a low croon and a humming sound as he cradled her close and rocked her gently in his arms.

" Young infants are very receptive to the emotions of their main caretakers. If you my son happen to be angry, upset, or frustrated she will sense your mood and act on it. Due to her not understanding these negative emotions she has but one recourse to cry hoping for comfort but her crying might only aggravate those emotions and so the circle continues.

If you could deal with her in a calm, relaxed attitude and be patient with her you might find that she calms down quicker. I learned that long ago both from books and from you and your brothers."

" I think that is easier said then done Master. I'm just not old enough and I don't know a darn thing about raising a child." I complained bitterly.

" You and your brothers were as much of a surprise to me as Ramiela was to you Michaelangelo. I didn't know the first thing about raising children myself what I knew came from books but there was often conflict between what one person wrote and another wrote. I also came to the conclusion that no matter what the books covered one of you would come up with something that wasn't in any of them I think it is because children don't read the books so don't know what is expected of them and when. They do things in their own time in their own way."

" When you found out what you let yourself in for with us did it ever occur to you to just take off and not come back to us?"

I saw a faint smile cross his face " There were many times when the thought had crossed my mind or that I was tempted to do just that. Leave and never return. Or times when I was tempted to punish or hurt you severely for doing something you knew was wrong.

I had, however made a commitment to you of sorts when I took pity on you and plucked you from the ooze. I could not then, leave you to suffer I had chosen to be responsible for all of you."

I noticed Ramiela wasn't crying so hard now and she had popped her thumb into her mouth and was busy sucking on it staring up at Splinter intently giving huge gasping, shuddering breaths. 

I felt a little comforted knowing Splinter had felt that way toward us. As a child that fact probably would have scared me but now I cold understand it to some extent. It made me feel that the feelings I sometimes got towards Ramiela were somehow not all that bad or wrong.

" Tell me my son if she could be accepted, adopted and loved by a human family would you let her go?"

" I don't know maybe Master. I just feel that I'm too young and I don't know enough about raising a child if I was older maybe I'd feel different about it all. I know she is my daughter, which makes it mostly my responsibility, and I know I have you to help as well as the rest of the family but I don't know if that is enough.

I was really expecting Shay to stay and help out with the care and everything but, now she is gone and I feel totally at a loss," I snapped out. I didn't mean to snap but I was frustrated and wasn't about to hide it.

" Michaelangelo you, in learning ninjitsu throughout your life have learned the value of discipline, hard work, responsibility and dedication in a way that most humans your age would not understand.

You have faced many dangers and trials and have proven that you can face a challenge and come out a survivor.

You have what it takes to be a father the question is can you commit yourself to being one my son?

Shay did not have your training to rely on and she was far to use to running from her problems and trying to escape responsibility being a mother was something she felt she had to escape from.

I understand that you loved Shay and that you miss her but will you now thow away the last connection you have with Shay?

Perhaps Michaelangelo you push Ramiela away not because you fear being a parent at such a young age. Rather you might be blaming her for Shay leaving you. Ramiela may only be a constant reminder of what you have lost, your pain and hurt and so you are angry with her. You must even know this or why tell her that it isn't her fault that she is here?"

I bowed my head under my Master's piercing gaze unable to answer those questions. Knowing that there was a grain of truth to his words.

There were times it seemed to me that My Master could look into the very depth of my soul and mind and lay me bare if he so pleased.

This was definitely one of those times.

" I don't know anything about being a good parent Sensei," I protested.

" You have what it takes to be a good parent my son. You are gentle, loving, understanding, and have lots of energy to keep up with a rambunctious child," Splinter countered.

" Great! And how is that suppose to help me with her?"

" Patience is required with all children. It is needed when a child decides to test or challenge their parent on some rule or any other area. Children push to learn limits and what they can get away with. Patience is necessary in getting a child to focus on you and not some other interesting object.

All children need love and gentle understanding to help guide them as they grow into adults. It takes a loving heart and firm resolve to discipline a child you love and stick with that punishment." He soothed.

" How will I know if I'm doing what is right for her though Sensei? How can I be a good parent when I don't know the first thing about even being a parent?"

" What is right for a child my son is easy lay down rules and stick with them. Consistency is important. Protect her from harm where you can, and comfort her when she is sad or is hurt but give her a chance and room to solve her own problems.

Treat her like an individual. Ask her to do her best for you and encourage her to keep trying but also accept that we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

Guide her offer advice but let her know the consequences of her actions. Give her the freedom to choose whenever you can and even if you know she has made a poor choice allow her the chance to learn from it at the very least.

A parents task is NEVER easy my son.

It is a long hard and demanding job full of doubts, tears, regrets, indecisions, quilt, heartache and pain.

However being a parent can be one of life's most rewarding experiences.

Nothing can fill you with pride faster then a child who does well at something and if that child has persevered after great struggle to reach a goal then it gives not only the child but also you, the parent a feeling of great accomplishment.

A child can turn to you for answers and because their questions are usually simple they feel you are all knowing, or that there is nothing that you can't do because you make the world better with a simple treat. 

As the child gets older they start to learn you aren't that smart you are only human and once they reach the teens they feel they have all the answers.

Only when they have matured and become adults can you look back on what they were, see what they have become and realize that you had a major part of making them who and what they are. Then and only then will you know if you have been a good parent or not." Splinter replied.

" What if I make a mistake? What if through some fault of mine she gets hurt?"

" We all make mistakes in life Michaelangelo being a parent often means second guessing yourself.

As for being hurt you cannot protect a child from every thing that might befall them.

You can look ahead and do what you can to prevent accidents but sooner or later no matter how diligent we are a child will get hurt. It happens it is a part of growing up.

Of course knowing that won't help you stop worrying about it or feeling guilty about it when and if it occurs.

I do not regret my decision into accepting you into my life when I plucked you and your brothers from the ooze.

Now my son you have your choice to make where Ramiela is concerned.

You can continue as you are not really loving or accepting her. Thinking and feeling that she is nothing more then a burden in your life.

Or you can choose to give her the best that you can to try hard and to accept what help we can give you.

As her parent and her main caretaker it is up to you to decide if you will give her your best, nothing at all or something between the two of them" Splinter stood up and placed the now sleeping Ramiela into my arms before leaving the room.

I stared down at my sleeping daughter. She was still sucking on her thumb her breathing quiet and steady now.

So small, so special, so fragile. Her entire life in my hands.

All the possibilities ahead of her, who she was, what she would one day be even how she faced the world and the different challenges in it.

I realized I hadn't been very fair to her " I'm sorry Ramiela. I guess since your mom left I haven't been much of a father to you. I promise I'll try. I'll do the best I can for you.

I still don't know much about being a father or how I'll even do as one but I'll try and I promise you now I won't deal with you when I'm angry with you if I have to I'll just keep us separate until I can face you and deal with you then.

I want to be a good parent for you since I'm the only one you got but be patient with me huh?"

I gently caressed her cheek as I stood up to take her back to her room and I was going place her into her crib when I decided that I wanted to have her close to me tonight though I had never let her sleep with me before.

I tucked her into my bed " Good night my Rama. My little Rama" I whispered the shorter name coming to me just felt so right.

I still had my doubts and misgivings about being a father but I knew in my heart that I couldn't give her up because I had committed myself to her care before she was even born and it would be wrong to throw it all away and turn my back on it now.

The End


End file.
